


don't lie.

by sncwbaz



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, cuz yano it's 8th year, eight year, not as much as in the book though so it's ok, simon and baz are not dating here, there's some cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 19:41:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10771092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sncwbaz/pseuds/sncwbaz
Summary: Simon was the one kidnapped by numpties and Baz got to talk to Lucy. Simon just got back to Watford and Baz is going to have to confront Simon about having talked to his mother.I wrote this for the carry on countdown that was organised back in november/december. This was for the prompt: opposite day.





	don't lie.

**Author's Note:**

> you can also find this fic on my tumblr @sncwbaz

I felt my stomach drop to the floor as I walked into the Great Hall that morning. I had given up hope on Snow returning to Watford, he had been missing for weeks now, but all of a sudden he was there again. He was sitting at his usual spot with Penny and Agatha who both looked at him with great concern showing in their eyes. This concern wasn’t misplaced; Simon looked like he was barely alive. His usual tawny skin had paled at least a few shades, the skin around his cheekbones tight. He was scrawny which had never been the right word to describe Snow, but now he really was scrawny. Snow’s eyes had dark circles around them and the look he gave me…

I realized that we were both staring at each other. Not just that; I had my walls down, I realized. I must have been looking at Snow with the same concern that Penny and Agatha were. I quickly drained all emotion from my expression and simply arched an eyebrow at Snow. I’d let Snow make of it what he wanted and I made my way to my seat with Niall and Dev. I didn’t look at Snow for the rest of breakfast, not trusting what I would do if I’d look at the broken Simon Snow across the Great Hall again.

•••

I went to the catacombs earlier than I normally would have, giving Snow the space he needed in our shared room. I also still didn’t trust myself with him yet. I’d either break him more or I’d grab hold of him without being able to let go of him; needing to know he was and would be okay. Both didn’t seem like great option so I stayed hidden in the catacombs.

Then there was also that thing I needed to talk to him about… but I knew he wouldn’t be ready now. I knew I wasn’t ready. How were you supposed to tell an orphan their dead mother came through the Veil to talk to her son only find out her son wasn’t there?

•••

When I wandered back into our room Snow was asleep in his bed. I tried to be as quiet as possible as I readied myself for bed, not wanting to disturb Snow’s sleep—especially not now he looked like he needed at least a week of it.

As soon as I had settled into bed I turned onto my side, watching Simon. I had missed him, I really had. He’d been absent for the first six weeks of school and I had missed the crap out of him. It was both nice and torture to be able to watch him again, to have him close to me again.

It wasn’t long before Snow started to act restless in his sleep. He looked like he was flinching and every now and then a sound close to a sob would escape his mouth. I could spot a frown on his face. He was having a nightmare, I understood. The strangled sounds that Snow was making became more frantic and then he woke, crying and shaking.

I couldn’t stop myself from whispering his name. “Snow.”

He kept crying, either not hearing me or not caring about the fact that I had called out his name. I sat up in my bed, watching Simon carefully. It was an effort not to close the distance between Snow and myself and wrap him up in my arms.

“Snow,” I whispered again. “What happened to you?”

Snow turned his head towards me, squinting his eyes, probably because he couldn’t see all that well in the dark. Tears are still rolling down his cheeks.

“What happened to you when you were away?” I asked him, not wanting to know, but needing to know.

Snow’s eyes turned dark, and within seconds his fear and sadness seemed to be replaced with rage. I didn’t know what I had said wrong.

“Snow?”

“Don’t,” he said, his voice on edge, “Don’t dare act like this is all a surprise to you.”

I didn’t know how to react to that. It wasn’t at all what I had expected him to say.

“It’s not like you don’t know what happened, Baz,” Simon continued. “It’s not like I don’t know that your family was behind this.”

“What?” I blurted out. What on earth did my family have to do with this? They wouldn’t have made a move against Snow without me knowing, right? They always promised to leave Snow to me. They promised.

“Leave me alone, Baz,” Snow grunted at me, positioning himself on his side, his back to me. I didn’t get much sleep that night.

•••

By the time lunch break started the next day, the rumor had spread through the whole school. The Pitches had made a deal with the Numpties to kidnap Snow; to starve the Chosen One whilst he was held with the Numpties.

I felt sick. I hadn’t known about any of this, but Snow thought it was me who was behind it. Maybe it was good for him to think that I was behind this all. We were supposed to be enemies after all. Fiona would be proud if I had done all this. I did not yet know if I should claim that I had indeed made sure Snow was kidnapped, all I knew is that I felt sick.

•••

Snow had fallen asleep during Greek and had left later to get some rest. By the time I got to out room he was curled up in his bed. 

“Snow, are you awake?” I had to tell him about his mother. The longer I would wait, the harder it would be to tell him.

“I don’t wanna talk,” Simon mumbled back with a slight hint of anger showing in his voice.

I ignored that. He didn’t have to talk; he only needed to listen. “Something happened when you were away.”

A dark laugh escaped Snow’s mouth. “Away?” he said. “Kidnapped by fucking Numpties, that is. Not just ‘away’. Fuck off.”

“I didn’t know about the Numpties.”

“What? You haven’t heard yet? Is it because you have your head shoved up your own damnable ass? It’s all over the school, you know. I’d thought you’d picked up on it by now.” His voice was shaking as he spoke; it made my jaw stiffen.

“That’s not what I meant. Yes, I heard about it today, but I know you suspect my family, or me. You told me yesterday, but you were wrong. I didn’t know.”

This conversation was going places it didn’t need to go. I was supposed to tell Snow about his mother, not about how innocent I was in this whole case. It shouldn’t matter to me if Snow thought that I had been the one to abuse him like this, but it did matter to me and I hated myself for it.

“Why should I believe you?”

“It’s your choice whether you believe me or not, Snow, but I’m not here to talk about the Numpties or your kidnapping; I’m here to talk about what happened when you weren’t here.”

Snow let out a dramatic sigh but turned his head to me to let me know he was listening.

I was quiet for a moment, silently debating on how I should tell Snow what I had to tell him. “Do you—do you know about the lifting of the Veil?”

That wasn’t what Simon had expected as it seemed to show on his face. “What?”

“The Veil, the visiting?” I said, but Snow just looked at me in confusion so I began explaining. “Once every twenty years the Veil lifts which means the dead can cross to our world for a few moments as—ghosts.”

Snow just stared at me with his eyebrows raised.

“When you were away,” I continued, “the Veil lifted and… well, you had a visitor.”

Snow sat up straighter. “Who?” He asked. “I don’t know anyone who’s dead.”

I took a deep breath. “Your visitor said she was looking for you but she couldn’t find you. She was called to our room here, but you weren’t here, so she talked to me. She told me that she’s your mother.”

For a moment, Snow went completely still. Quickly, though, he seemed to have started shaking with absolute rage. “You’re lying,” he growled out.

I clenched and unclenched my fists. How was I supposed to do this? “I’m telling the truth,” I just simply said and I could kick myself. This was going splendidly.

“Give one reason why I should believe you. It’s not like you haven’t used ‘knowing stuff about my parents’ as a tactic before when it came your murder attempts on me.”

I felt like I was going to be sick. Snow looked like he was already feeling sick. I closed my eyes, breathed in through my nose, out through my mouth and opened my eyes again. “I don’t think there is any way for me to prove that you can trust me, but at least trust me on the fact that it wasn’t me who organized the whole deal with the Numpties. I really didn’t know where you were. You know I always told you that when I’d finish you off it’d be in front of an audience; that promise still stands. So at least trust me on that it wasn’t me hurting you these last few weeks.”

Snow just stared at me, his face still stiff with anger.

“And about the Veil lifting,” I continued, “you can ask Penny or anyone, really, about it. It lifted when you were gone, so that isn’t a lie either.”

“If my mother were to come through the Veil does that mean she would be a mage?” Snow asked.

“Yes, it takes magic to get through.”

“Then you’re lying. My parents weren’t mages,” Snow said, his voice sounding harsh.

“Why wouldn’t they be?”

“Mages don’t give their children up to a foster care, you know that.” Snow’s voice broke. He sounded frustrated and sad. It made me want to kick something. (Not him.)

“Snow, your mother was a mage and she didn’t put you away; she died. Maybe you are some kind of half-breed. Maybe you were left with your father who was to one to put you away. I don’t know, but I saw the woman who said she was your mother, she spoke to me, and she was a Mage.”

“Half-breed? You say that like I’m a dog.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know what I mean.”

Snow was quiet then, staring at me with lingering rage in his eyes.

“Do you believe me?” I asked him. “She told me—“

“No,” Snow cut me off; tears had started to form in eyes. “No I don’t believe you.”

I really didn’t know how to do this. “Simon,” I whispered and with that the tears started to roll down Snow’s face.

“Don’t,” he said, his voice cracking. “You don’t get to do this to me.”

It broke my heart to see him like this, to make him feel this pain. I wanted to snap at him for some reason; yell at him. I didn’t know how else to do to make him truly listen. I felt powerless and desperate.

I couldn’t do this so I moved towards the door of our room. “I’m sorry,” I whispered softly. “I wasn’t lying and I’m sorry.”

Then I left.

•••

I didn’t go back to our room until late that night. I felt horrible as I saw Snow curled up inside his bed. Some part of me wanted to curl up with him and for a moment I would let myself think of the both of us in bed together, his leg slung over mine—it would never happen. I abandoned the thought and crawled into my own bed. 

After a few moments of quiet I heard Snow’s voice coming from his side of the room. “What did my mother say to you?” His voice was barely audible.

I turned my head to see Snow facing me back. “She came here at night and she was confused. I heard her whispering your name and—she was calling you her ‘rosebud boy’”

I heard a soft sniff coming from Snow’s bed. “Simon?” I asked.

“Is that all she said?” Is the only response he gave to my short display of concern.

“No. She mentioned someone named Davy. I don’t know who he is. She spoke of him like she loved him. I think he might be your father. But… she told me ‘tell Simon to tell Davy no.’”

Snow sat up in bed. “You think my father is still alive?” His voice cracking as he spoke.

“I don’t know. It’s just a guess that this Davy is your father, but whoever Davy is, he’s alive. And your mother came to visit you to tell you she was sorry and to tell you that you needed to say no to Davy.”

“About what?” Snow said, sounding frustrated and tired and broken.

“I don’t know,” I whispered.

Snow was quiet for a few seconds and then he started sobbing softly. I hated this. I hated this so much.

Without thinking I got out of my bed and sat down next to Simon. I didn’t know what to say, I just wanted him to know I was here. Though I didn’t really know if my support would bring him any good.

I sat there all the long minutes that Snow cried, not touching him, and when he quieted down a bit, I started talking.

“I had hoped my mother would visit me,” I told him. “I mean, I had told myself she wouldn’t, there’s no reason for her to visit me, but secretly I had still hoped she would have visited me.”

Snow was completely still now.

“By the time the Veil had almost closed again, no one from the Veil had visited our room yet. I had lost all hope that my mother would come. I told myself that I was stupid for even hoping for her visit… Then I heard a female speak. For the first few seconds I thought it was my mother and I was so happy and so scared, but then I saw the woman had blonde hair. She wasn’t my mother. And then I realized she was saying your name, not mine, and all I felt was anger. I wanted her to leave; I wanted my own mother. I felt like a stupid child. She didn’t leave when I sneered at her, though. She’s as ridiculously headstrong as you are. So she told me all she had to say and then she left. I cried the rest of that night, only then realizing how badly I had wanted it to be my mother who had come to visit me.”

The room grew silent as I started to feel stupid for saying those words our loud. I felt ashamed and weak, two feeling I desperately tried to avoid whilst being around Simon Snow. I felt sad and hollow until all of a sudden I felt the Snow’s fingertips brushing my hair. It startled me and I leaned away quickly, staring at him. He just stared back with a pair of sad, watery eyes.

“Your mother,” I whispered, not knowing if I would dare, “she told me to give you this.”

I would dare, I decided and so I lean closer. Very carefully, I placed my lips against Snow’s temple. When I drew away again, feeling the adrenaline of what I had just done soaring through my veins, Snow just sighed.

“Thank you,” he whispered back.


End file.
